Just a little picture

November 14, 2017

Flattened

A modest proposal: raise money to fund a craft capable of taking some number of the most strident flat-earthers high enough to see with their own eyes that the earth is spherical. The agreement before departure: when we arrive at an altitude where it is definitively perceptible that the earth is indeed a sphere, the actual smart people who took you in the craft get to push you out, at which point you freeze, suffocate, and fall to your death in the ocean, thereby removing you from the gene pool. Or you can go back to earth (the round one) with the promise that you will devote the remainder of your existence to educating the rest of the earth's populace about the scientific method. If we, the arrogant empirical elite, are somehow wrong, and the earth is flat, we will gladly join you in educating the entire global (wait, we can't call it that anymore can we?) -- planar population of this new fact.

Posted by Charles at 12:14 PM

August 03, 2017

Heavy Duty Screen (Storm) Door Closer Story

So if you have a screen door (aka storm door) and it is fairly beefy with storm windows and such, when the pneumatic closer finally gives out, you can just get a thing at the store that has the words "Heavy" and "Duty" printed on it, if you like storm doors closing on your ankle every goddamn time you come in the house. Or you can order one that has the words "Heavy" and "Duty" printed on it from an online place with offices at 30 West Salisbury Street, Williamsport, MD, if you like storm doors closing on your ankle every goddamn time you come in the house.

Turns out that what you prolly need is what is called a "Heavy Storm Door Closer with Torsion Bar." You may be able to figure this out if you go look at the closer on the other storm door on the kitchen porch and notice the faintest remnant of a decal with the letters "DEA" remaining on it, from which you may extrapolate a brand name that is perhaps "IDEAL," which you can then google and find that thing linked above, along with a picture of a shiny version of the old, decrepit thing you're looking at with the sticker remnant on it. Angels will sing at this point.

The thing is, if you try to order it from the company that makes it, they may wind up saying they won't ship it to you because [you don't know], at which point, after creating a profile and filling out all the crap in their online form including your credit card info, you can crankily close that tab and slap the pertinent search runes into Amazon and see the same dingdang thing right there (of course duh) and then find they won't ship it to you either, what is going on where are you help help? Google harder and Home Depot has it on their website and will ship the order to you or to their store for pick up, because they must like selling things or something.

I picked it up at the store to save shipping, and it works like a charm and the damn door don't hit me in the leg no more.

Posted by Charles at 08:57 PM